December 2011
tourist: could you give us directions to Olive Garden?
new yorker: no, but i could give you directions to an actual Italian restaurant lol
tourist: oh you think you're clever???
new yorker: what
tourist: i'm going to meet my dying niece and she happens to love olive garden so her whole family is going to eat with her so she'll have a few moments of happiness
new yorker: oh... oh god i'm so sor-
tourist: no shut the fuck up you piece of shit. i'll find it myself
the tourist drives off and the new yorker is left to think about his life choices and his decision to be a giant condescending asshole
yesterday my friend tyler texted my uncle on my phone saying “please let me suck ur dick”
uh
oh yeah i had a great christmas i hope all of you did as well merry christmas
i wanna change my url but no
i can’t
lardypoison:
snackparade:
what is the nickelback fandom called
Deaf
“I mean, I have the feeling that something in my mind is poisoning everything...”
– Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov (via apophises)
idk why i just really hate when people refer to colleges/universities as “uni”
fuckin annoying idek why
me: i'm so lonely omg i just want someone to talk at me
someone: hey
me: no not you
no one: wow i really like you
3 tags
“By learning to become normal, a community of individuals becomes docile.”
– Foucault, 1977 (via cultureofresistance)
2 tags
iichbinkim:
Maybe vagina jokes are funny and i’m just ovary acting
so when i get my wisdom teeth out im gonna keep them
and make a necklace
or something
me: hey
friend: i have a boyfriend
me: whats up
friend: we totally made out last night
me: ok so how are you
friend: in love with my hot boyfriend
me: wow
friend: boyfriend
now i don’t even wanna major in psych
like everyone i know is
that makes it boring
hey guess what
i got an A+ on my paper
not just an A
an A+
